tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799580434163737105.post7164567331962009218..comments2023-12-03T03:54:51.152+00:00Comments on The Reluctant Perfectionist: Less is moreHelen Barbourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04932545445679328061noreply@blogger.comBlogger71125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799580434163737105.post-78183114605022527942021-03-01T11:52:58.353+00:002021-03-01T11:52:58.353+00:00Thanks for your comment, Kaz. it's interesting...Thanks for your comment, Kaz. it's interesting to hear your experiences and I can certainly relate to a lot of what you say. I think this problem is more common then we realise. I'm sure the anxiety is caused by the pandemic will have brought out this kind of behaviour in a lot more people.Helenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12165679526253235727noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799580434163737105.post-77257389281108053142021-02-25T10:20:59.817+00:002021-02-25T10:20:59.817+00:00This is so interesting to me, having a name for it...This is so interesting to me, having a name for it makes it<br />feel more real. I’ve often observed that the more out of control I feel, the cleaner my floor is. The challenge for me is that although chucking and sorting make me feel good, I also regularly completely wear myself out doing it and being tired triggers my anxiety even more. I know how to manage my obsessiveness better now, it’s definitely a sign that something is wrong.<br />As I get older I’m also noticing how shopping centres stress me out because there is just so much stuff. Online shopping is better because I don’t have to see it all at once. It’s easier to only buy what you need too. The idea of Costco horrifies me because buying in bulk is just too much stuff to store at once. I also notice it when I go holidays, I often underpack because I feel strongly about not bringing too much stuff along. It’s funny the little ways this shows up in life. Kaz Melbournehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15327390705073658633noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799580434163737105.post-31391594723910214852019-08-03T19:36:37.525+01:002019-08-03T19:36:37.525+01:00Anonymous, 25 July, I'm sorry to hear you'...Anonymous, 25 July, I'm sorry to hear you've suffered so much abuse during your lifetime. I do think most of us have too much stuff and it is a lot for others to sort out when we die - I dread clearing my mum's house when that time comes. You will certainly make things easier for your family in that regard!!!Helen Barbourhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04932545445679328061noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799580434163737105.post-91462075811217417512019-08-03T19:34:18.352+01:002019-08-03T19:34:18.352+01:00Anonymous, 13 July, thanks for taking the time to ...Anonymous, 13 July, thanks for taking the time to comment. It is always helpful to know you are not the only one who feels a particular way, isn't it?!Helen Barbourhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04932545445679328061noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799580434163737105.post-46782897449259219442019-07-25T02:55:28.322+01:002019-07-25T02:55:28.322+01:00I've thrown/ given away my stuff ever since I ...I've thrown/ given away my stuff ever since I can remember. I had an extremely abusive childhood then married an abuser for 7 years. <br />After that marriage, I started getting rid of more and more things. Another abusive marriage of 20 years, and then just me with my 3 kids for last 5 years. I'm about to become an empty nester after this coming Christmas and I have already started selling off everything I can live without. Planning to get rid of everything after Christmas and only keep a bag of clothes and laptop . I feel a huge need to be free. I will live in a small furnished studio room.<br />I have so much anxiety all the time and get stressed so easily. I realise I have mental health problems but I just can't seem to organise or reach out for help. It feels just too much effort. I'm sure that after all this time (55 years) there wouldn't be much that anyone could change in me. Mostly because I love living with very little as it makes me feel better.<br />I do think that my childhood abuse is possibly the cause of this obsession with clutter.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799580434163737105.post-88052933741593903572019-07-13T03:21:22.910+01:002019-07-13T03:21:22.910+01:00Thanks so much for sharing this information!!
I a...Thanks so much for sharing this information!! <br />I agree that there’s such a liberating feeling to get rid of things. I have this “ideal” vision of how I’d like to see my environment & find myself regularly organizing. Over time I’ve learned to remind myself that it’s ok the way it is!<br />It’s wonderful reading the comments from so many people & feeling part of an interesting community :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799580434163737105.post-11787558542406770082018-08-19T13:40:55.066+01:002018-08-19T13:40:55.066+01:00Hi Anonymous (18 August 2018), thanks for your com...Hi Anonymous (18 August 2018), thanks for your comment. What you suggest in regard to disposing of your watercolour paintings sounds a constructive way forward. As you say, if they bring somebody else happiness, that is better than leaving them hidden in a drawer!Helen Barbourhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04932545445679328061noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799580434163737105.post-90853073344169236382018-08-18T21:52:29.656+01:002018-08-18T21:52:29.656+01:00I relate strongly with this post. I find myself in...I relate strongly with this post. I find myself increasingly bothered by my possessions even though they're not many and they are not real clutter.<br />I have this desire to have so little that when I die all my possessions will fit into a box and be easy to get rid of. I feel like I want to be invisible, as one of the comments mentioned. I tend to think about death a lot and I want to get rid of everything so that I won't have nothing to lose.<br />Grocery shopping with my mother gets boring and annoying after we have everything we need. I simply cannot derive pleasure from most objects, even if I tried to.<br />It is hard to articulate my need to get rid of stuff. I even am thinking of donating most of the watercolor paintings I make because I don't see the point of having pretty things put away in a drawer when I could make someone happy for giving them a part of me. I also have picked up writing as a hobby to use up all the blank pages and notebooks that I have and then just get rid of it. I enjoy the process of ripping paper and getting rid of it, so I tend to go through my things often to find anything I can to trash. I just feel this need to occupy the least space possible in this world, if that makes sense.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799580434163737105.post-37404124650355651832018-02-17T17:27:50.392+00:002018-02-17T17:27:50.392+00:00Hi Anonymous (15 February), thanks for your detail...Hi Anonymous (15 February), thanks for your detailed, interesting and amusing comment. I'm glad you found the post of interest. We humans are nothing if not complex, eh?!Helen Barbourhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04932545445679328061noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799580434163737105.post-33722529809891347522018-02-15T05:27:17.645+00:002018-02-15T05:27:17.645+00:00This is so interesting. I am 50 now and find mysel...This is so interesting. I am 50 now and find myself a weird mix of slovenly procrastinator and increasingly clutterphobic control freak (sounds attractive eh?).<br /><br />I have a brilliant husband and two lovely teens (whose rooms I don't go into as they are like someone robbed the place). I also have two dogs and two cats.<br /><br />I am sitting here writing this on a blanket over my sofa simply covered in cats and cat hair - paradoxically feeling irritated as there's a phone charger that someone's left out on the table. <br /><br />I tend towards throwing stuff away - except books, photos and sentimental kid things. But these things are safely locked away in bookshelves with doors, and several neat boxes stashed away in a wardrobe. Therefore these things are allowed.<br /><br />I currently feel uncomfortable as I know I need to throw away at least one box of Xmas decorations that we don't use. I am so pleased each year when they all come down and things get back to normal. <br /><br />Until fairly recently I could live with a little dust - but no longer. I dust every day and would Hoover every day but it causes panic for the cats and dogs and ends up with more hair everywhere! So some dirt is tolerated.<br /><br />All of this would be fine except that I increasingly isolate myself too. I am not shy, just increasingly not interested in others. I don't have a presence on social media and have "cleaned" myself from the web as much as I can. It's as if I want to be invisible.<br /><br />I lost both my parents as a teen and feel a lot of this behaviour is an extension of the control-freakery I've displayed since then (lists! Maps! Organising holidays like military operations!). As I've begun sagging and drooping with age I suppose I've shifted the desire to control things to my environment. As with many others I don't wear jewellery except for my wedding ring and rarely wear makeup (naturally gorgeous lol!) And make little effort with clothes and hair. I still resemble the 17 year old in jeans that I was when adulthood was thrown upon me (my immaturity is not lost on me).<br /><br />Thanks again.<br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799580434163737105.post-49241837587327066692018-01-06T18:57:22.535+00:002018-01-06T18:57:22.535+00:00Hi Anonymous (5 January), thanks for reading and c...Hi Anonymous (5 January), thanks for reading and commenting. It's always reassuring to know that we are not alone, when we have a problem, whatever that problem might be.Helen Barbourhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04932545445679328061noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799580434163737105.post-12368351973426105142018-01-05T13:09:08.580+00:002018-01-05T13:09:08.580+00:00This is me. Now imagine me meeting hoarding .. for...This is me. Now imagine me meeting hoarding .. forced to live and deal with it for the rest of my life. At least I know I'm not going crazy Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799580434163737105.post-55029876313031793932017-10-20T20:40:36.386+01:002017-10-20T20:40:36.386+01:00Hi Anonymous (12 October), thanks for taking the t...Hi Anonymous (12 October), thanks for taking the time to read my post and to follow up with your own story. I'm sorry to hear that things are so difficult for you. Are there any good mental health resources when you live? It is never too late to address problems like these, and to make changes, and you are still very young, so have plenty of time to turn things around - but it sounds as if maybe you need some professional help? I'm afraid I don't have any easy solutions to offer myself! Wishing you the best of luck in dealing with all of this.Helen Barbourhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04932545445679328061noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799580434163737105.post-92200190837832083752017-10-12T02:03:48.761+01:002017-10-12T02:03:48.761+01:00At some point of my life I really thought I was in...At some point of my life I really thought I was insane <br /><br />My mum loves hoardering , and always saves for the future and what could/couldn't happen , my sisters too , I grew up in a heavily cluttered house , I was always the one who cleans and throws whatever expires until I was too exhausted physically and emotionally , I thought I had it as a rebound or something , I am an unhealthy minimalist , I love having less , but I reached the point I hated myself , I can't have anything I don't use , I threw away gifts , now I am more into selling my things away , it feels great for seconds or some time , I am really exhausted by constantly checking what else to get rid of , and if I have something I consider as cultter to sell , my parents think I'm a crazy seller , <br />It is really uncomfortable , being a girl , not having makeup , accessories , what other girls consider a necessity , at first I thought throwing these things away is a "sane thing" but after a long period , o asked myself , why am I not normal?! Or at least a healthy minimalist , <br /><br />I do relate a lot to even not having things online , deleted my accounts several times , now instead of buying and throwing away until I need it again motto , I became a really careful buyer , to the point I don't buy things at all , seldom , <br />The problem extended to my diet too , I had anorexia and bulimia , although throwing up after having a really big meal felt like decluttering, I became tired of it <br /><br /><br />I love having less , I know what is like to hoarder , and I can't stand it , but I reaches a point that is really drivinig me insane , now I tend to focus more on my studies (I try to change my focus into finishing my tasks ) and actually transform that obsession from external (things) to internal ( thoughts and tasks) , to become more productive and actually focus and finish and declutter that from my to do list , I'm still working on that (I had many fails ) but if I could actually make a good thing from that hell , i would be proud <br /><br />If u have any thoughts/solutions , please do tell , yeah I felt regret about some of the things I threw as I needed them later , that made me even beg to have again , and next second I throw them again , I prefer to buy new things when needed than keeping them for times sake and I am very tidy to the point I make a mess to tidy it (I grew tired of it ) and it is obvious I have issues and I want to have the things other girls have too , I'm 21 btw and I have ha this as long as I can remember ...<br />I am really glad that there are others , but what is the solution .? Other ways to handle with this ? Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799580434163737105.post-24979313785089083272017-04-13T14:27:47.143+01:002017-04-13T14:27:47.143+01:00Hi Ryan, thank you for your interest in my blog an...Hi Ryan, thank you for your interest in my blog and this post in particular. I have been amazed at the number of responses to it - so many people seem to experience this difficulty. To be honest, this is only a mild tendency in me, so doesn't have a major impact on my life. I would, however, be very interested to see your final documentary, if it becomes available to the public. Best of luck with it!Helen Barbourhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04932545445679328061noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799580434163737105.post-85485812974778464292017-04-12T20:11:40.114+01:002017-04-12T20:11:40.114+01:00This comment has been removed by the author.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04537066900423428020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799580434163737105.post-5444047317378953122017-02-27T13:25:53.681+00:002017-02-27T13:25:53.681+00:00'Unknown', thanks for taking the time to c...'Unknown', thanks for taking the time to comment on this post and to share your own experiences. It sounds as if this has become an expensive problem for you! However, I'm pleased that you have found this item useful.Helen Barbourhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04932545445679328061noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799580434163737105.post-91796266645498035422017-02-27T08:28:29.788+00:002017-02-27T08:28:29.788+00:00Finding this article and blog has been fantastic. ...Finding this article and blog has been fantastic. Forever I have felt I'm the only one. I live on my own after marriage break up, and I love the fact my home is completely at my control. I've lost count of how many times I've rearranged furniture and changed stuff, I've got rid if stuff in the past I know I will regret, but can't stop myself. When people visit their first words are, 'you've had a move around again!) I have to have everything matching, it get ridiculous, I buy things knowing that in 6 months time I'll dump it. This year I am trying to really make myself think before I purchase anything, it has caused me money problems in the past. I love my flat but know at least once a month I have to go through top to bottom and have a clear out, charity shops do a roaring trade from me! It's hard to explain to anyone that isn't like it. Thank you for this blog xAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10390788012011947683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799580434163737105.post-35297394732860120262017-02-21T12:31:19.028+00:002017-02-21T12:31:19.028+00:00Hi Anonymous, I am glad you found this post useful...Hi Anonymous, I am glad you found this post useful. I completely understand everything you describe. I could never live with my boyfriend, as he is also the opposite to me - he has loads of stuff and every corner of his flat is filled! I am also finding it hard to see all the clutter in my elderly parents' home. I know that one day my sister and I will have to clear it out and I wish we could make a start now, but we are so busy dealing with their more urgent care and support needs, that we don't have time. Best of luck in coping with this condition and I do hope that it doesn't mean the end of your relationship.Helen Barbourhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04932545445679328061noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799580434163737105.post-45804549985273680012017-02-20T21:46:19.006+00:002017-02-20T21:46:19.006+00:00I am so glad to have found this blog. My need to ...I am so glad to have found this blog. My need to de clutter is growing with each year. At this time, I am considering ending my common law relationship because my boyfriend is such the opposite of me. Every closet, cupboard and drawer in our home is stuffed. I moved in two years ago and did a major declutter but it hasn't seemed to make a dent in the stuff around here. I don't wear jewellery, don't save anything 'sentemental', and I'm even bothered that my partner brings fresh flowers home weekly. I then have to look at the flowers on a daily basis and think they are clutter. I wake each day to an overwhelming feeling of being lost in such a mess. People come to the house and see a neat, clean home. I don't want to face each day due to the stuff in the closets, garages, storage areas, etc.<br />How does one cope?? <br />In my 52 years, I have moved approximately 60 times. The longest I ever lived in one home was 5 years. When I think of making a move at this time, I want to leave with one suitcase of clothes and maybe two boxes of irreplaceable stuff.(photos etc)<br />I want to start from scratch. new dishes, linens, furniture. I hate stuff. I would rather buy a beach towel every summer than store the one from last year. I do think this is ridiculous but don't know how to manage it. So glad to have found this blog<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799580434163737105.post-56981288745787282452017-01-24T14:52:53.483+00:002017-01-24T14:52:53.483+00:00Anonymous, thanks for your comments. I agree re th...Anonymous, thanks for your comments. I agree re the cultural differences - I had a Japanese friend some years back and her flat was always immaculate and very sparsely furnished!Helen Barbourhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04932545445679328061noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799580434163737105.post-26119254085000652692017-01-24T01:04:22.841+00:002017-01-24T01:04:22.841+00:00If you go to some countries where extreme orderlin...If you go to some countries where extreme orderliness and perfection is the norm, you will probably feel marvellously normal. I am thinking of Japan, Germany, and Switzerland. There's also a strong ascetic tradition in Asia, and there used to be in Europe and Russia, when monastic communities were numerous. <br /><br />Even within the UK, there's culture difference: I grew up in the suburbs of a provincial city, where people's houses were pin neat. Then I moved to London, where even successful and high class people live in grubby overcrowded conditions. I remember being traumatised when every posh house I went to had a collection of dirty cooking oil bottles next to the stove!<br /><br />PS I love my scanner and my remote back up service.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799580434163737105.post-8987962280624269882017-01-19T12:54:50.963+00:002017-01-19T12:54:50.963+00:00Anonymous, it is so interesting to read your comme...Anonymous, it is so interesting to read your comments - thank you for taking the time to share your experiences. I think my leaning towards spartanism explains my love of those 'survival' type programmes, where people live with just the basics. I'm currently having a big sort out of photos from the last 25 years and it is such a temptation just to throw them all away! Indeed, you are not alone in feeling this way and I wonder if this condition will become more prevalent as life becomes more and more stressful, and our society more and more materialistic. It seems to me that spartanism is an almost natural reaction to this. Best of luck in dealing with this in your own life.Helen Barbourhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04932545445679328061noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799580434163737105.post-37106328462781885282017-01-18T19:57:30.274+00:002017-01-18T19:57:30.274+00:00I am so surprised that my secret wish that everyth...I am so surprised that my secret wish that everything, even this house, would go up in smoke, is not such a secret to many people!<br />I hate 'stuff'. Things that I 'need', I keep for years rather than having to shop for something new. I hate shopping. Going into malls and seeing the excess - stores and stores selling endless reams of stuff. It makes me anxious and upset.<br /><br />My husband is quite the opposite, and our differences can cause a fair bit of stress between us. He doesn't seem to understand how stressful clutter makes me feel. and I am by no means a 'perfect' cleaner. I don't have the energy to be as diligent as I'd like to be. This causes me anxiety and frustration. <br /><br />I used to have to commute a long way for work and rented a room in town during the week. I loved it! A tiny room with only what I needed for the time I was there. <br />I found a second hand cup, which served also as a bowl. One spoon, one fork and one knife. A small pot for cooking/boiling water etc. <br /><br />I wish I could live that way all the time. My brother has the same thing, and pretty much can carry all he owns in a duffle bag. If I had remained unmarried and never had kids, I would be the same. <br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799580434163737105.post-26542043436577896282017-01-16T14:50:48.732+00:002017-01-16T14:50:48.732+00:00Rebecca, thank you for taking the time to comment ...Rebecca, thank you for taking the time to comment on this post and I'm glad you found it, and others' comments, helpful. Wishing you all the best in dealing with this condition.Helen Barbourhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04932545445679328061noreply@blogger.com